It seems like everyone has it all together around me. Job, relationship, living situation, school. Maybe it appears that I have it all together as well. I'm good at faking it...always have been...always will be. Unless you're my really good friend...then you know I'm slightly neurotic (ok maybe slightly was not the word to use). I tend to panic and worry and think that I'm never doing what I should be. So as of right now, to the normal outside observer, I appear to be a normal functioning 24 year-old who has stable employment and an otherwise stable life. And actually it probably appears that way to most of my friends as well...only the lucky ones know that inside I'm overanalyzing every aspect of my otherwise perfectly normal life.
Employment. My job is great...I'm ridiculously lucky to have a job that gets me the experience this is giving me in the social work field. But at times I go home wanting to pull my hair out or wanting to vomit because of what someone said to me or just what happened. I also have this tendency to be lazy---AKA I have been meaning to apply to grad school for a while now and just have not done it. Well good news is I'm almost done with UWM's application and will be beginning Loyola's after that!
Friends. THIS is normal. I have the most amazing friends ever. I actually have a plethora of friends all from various groups. (St. Charles) Work friends. High school friends. College friends. (TLP) Work friends. (Spinnakers) Work friends. Roommates college friends that are now kind of my friends too. Gym friends. So on and so forth. I'm lucky because some of my closest friends are from high school and not most people can say that. Those people have been there for me through the worst of the worst.
Relationships. What are those? I think I only know the meaning of unhealthy relationships. I run from any sort of commitment unless it has the hidden meaning of "unhealthy" attached to it..then hey I'm all for it! Or maybe I run from anyone that is interested in me and run towards anyone that is not. Either way in the end I always am the one who ends up hurt...which is the point of running from ANY sort of commitment whether that be a relationship, dating, or just sex. I just want someone to cuddle with at night...isn't that what we all what at the end of the day...really?
Family. My dad has a new girlfriend. He is bringing her and her family to Thanksgiving. Too soon? Yes, I think so. I do not want to go. But, I can't tell him this. I'm just not ready to deal with another set of awkward family situations. I deal with awkward family situations in my work life...I do not want to go home to it...on holidays especially. Holidays are hard enough without my mom...
Money. Financially I'm falling apart. I work three jobs and I'm barely making it by. Granted I spend my money like an idiot (sure...I'll go to D.C., NYC, and Denver all in the same year!), but I better be finding my rich man soon (NOW that might be worth making a commitment for!) I have student loans coming out of my ears, hospital bills, and credit card bills.
So I'm hoping 2012 has more to offer me...either that or the Mayan calendar may be right and the world just ends!
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